I’ll be honest I wrote this blog post after a pretty awful day but wanted to let it sit and stew for awhile.
I think the day after we got married someone jokingly asked us “so when are you going to have kids?” It’s been less than 24 hours and you are already wondering!!! Granted I feel this was sort of said in a joking manner, but why are people so wrapped up in when people have or do not have kids.
After I had Graham people started asking about another one. Maybe there’s some super human ladies out there ready to pop another kid out after just having one but that certainly wasn’t me! Having a c-section was not fun and the recovery sucked! Wasn’t quite ready for that as I still had staples in my abdomen! You’re welcome for me not posting that photo 🤣.
So once I returned after my week off from my medically managed missed miscarriage (and certainly still very emotional) I worried what/how I would react if someone asked me about adding another one.
Well it took a whole day before someone told I should just go get pregnant, another person to tell me now is not really a good time to have kids. I was polite but inside it was killing me. Killing me because I wish I had the courage to say that were did have a child but he/she would never walk this earth.
Thank goodness for social media helping connect me to other mamas with a similar story. I’ve seen their strength and it has given me strength. It also helps having a child who seems to give you just what you need when you need it most. Like randomly singing twinkle, twinkle.
Recently I had an employee ask me if I was ready for another child. It was just over a month since my medically managed missed miscarriage and almost 9 weeks since we found out our devastating news. But I had the courage to speak up and tell her that I had suffered a loss of the holidays (albeit not entirely true it was easier than going into details).
In my opinion, if you feel the need to ask about someone’s reproduction you deserve whatever answer you’re given and it may even catch you off guard. I personally know people who choose to not have children, couldn’t get pregnant, adopted, experienced loss after loss, have done IVF and IUI.
Do you really want to be the person who tears someone’s heart into a million pieces?
No, I do not think it’s anyone’s business besides the individual and their partner if, when, or how someone may OR may not reproduce. And if you feel the need to come up with some small talk- ask her where she gets her hair cut or something! Literally ask ANYTHING besides that because it’s just none of your d@mn business!
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